When Did We Get Old? (TonyxReader)

“Whaaaaaaat?” He shouted back from the couch.

You narrowed your eyes and picked up the weekly medicine container that held the medicine he was supposed to take every day— Which he didn’t do. You had gone to refill it for the week, only to find you didn’t fucking have to.

“Why the hell haven’t you taken your medicine?!”

“Because I didn’t want to!” Tony shouted lazily, already tuning back into the car program he was watching.

You growled and walked downstairs, moving to the tv and shutting it off, standing in front of it with your hands on your hips.

“You know damn good and well you have to take these pills. Your heart is fucked up-“

“Look, it was fucked up when I had the reactor-“

“And that was over twenty years ago! Your heart is skipping beats, and for all we know that could be bad.”

“Then if I die, at least I die hap- Oh wait, no I’m not. My bitchy wife won’t let me work anymore!”

“You’re not young anymore, Tony!”

“You’re not exactly spry either!”

You clenched your jaw and threw his medicine at him, “Start taking your medicine or I’ll shove it up your ass.”

Tony wiggled his eyebrows, “Are we getting kinky in the bedroom again?”

You snorted and rolled your eyes, walking away from your longtime husband, who just pouted and turned back on the television.

You came back with a water bottle, mixed with the orange Emergen-C he needed to drink. He pouted.

“I don’t wanna drink that!”

“Take your pills and you don’t have to.”

Tony grumbled and opened the medicine container, picking up one of the two pills he had to take daily. His eyes widened, clearly remembering why he refused to take the damn thing.

“You see the size of this fuckin’ thing?! It’s a mother fuckin’ horse pill!”

You shrugged, “I’d say karma is a bitch.”

“Yeah? Well so are you…” Tony grumbled, nevertheless popping the damn thing in his mouth.

He eventually swallowed the pill, though you knew he was shouting obscenities in his head, drinking half of the orange-flavored water to get it to go down. He took a deep breath and looked at you.

“I’d rather die than take another one of those.”

You chuckled and kissed your husband, “Just wait until tomorrow.”

xXx

You and Tony grumbled to yourselves as you got out of the car, walking up to the grand Malibu mansion you’d been living at for over thirty years. You grit your teeth as your husband muttered something unintelligible, though you knew what it was along the lines of.

“Mind sayin’ that again, mother fucker?”

“I said, that’s the last time I ask you for directions!”

“I gave you the right directions, you deaf bastard!”

“I’m not deaf!”

“You might as well be!”

Jarvis could have laughed at how this constant banter was amusing the hell out of him. But, as usual, he stayed out of it and let the old couple fight. He opened the front door and the argument continued as you both walked inside.

“I said to go on Seabreeze!”

“No, you said, Sequit!”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Yes! You! Did!”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Then why the hell did I turn on Sequit?”

“I don’t know! Probably thinking of something else as usual!”

“Oh yeah, I was! I was thinking of how to shut you the hell up!”

“Asshole!”

“I’m an asshole? You told me to turn down Seabreeze, who’s the asshole now?”

“See, I told you I said Seabreeze!”

“You know damn good and well I meant Sequit!”

“Well you said Seabreeze, which means I was right!”

“No!”

“I am right, you just can’t hear worth a damn!”

“My hearing is fine!” Tony shouted as he plopped down on the couch.

You rolled your eyes and headed to the kitchen to fix his Emergen-C, “Sure Tony, sure. Not to mention your driving is horrendous.”

“The hell is wrong with my driving? I been driving the same way for years!”

“Yeah, and it sucks. You’re gonna get us both killed.”

“I don’t recall you complaining when you were giving to birth to both of our children!”

“Yeah, because my fucking vagina was splitting into two!”

Tony shuddered and you hit him in the head with the water bottle. He rubbed the back of his head and glared at you.

“Abusive bitch. I’m gonna call Brucie, he’ll be nice to me and let me do science.”

“He’s gonna Hulk out and toss your ass back here from Calcutta.”

Tony pouted and crossed his arms, making you chuckle. You sat down next to your husband, running your fingers through his hair. He smiled softly and leaned into your touch, rolling his tongue. You laughed and kissed his cheek, hiding his face into your neck.

“Kitty’s purring again? It’s been a long time.”

Tony smirked and kissed your neck, “It’s been a long time since we’ve done somethin’ else, too… And you hit menopause two years ago, so you ain’t getting’ out of this.”

xXx

“Mrs. Stark? Your husband is awake now.”

You bounced up from your chair and followed the nurse to your husband’s room. He’d just had surgery on his leg and you were scared out of your mind. Tony wasn’t young like he once was, and you could only worry for the man you’d been with for so long.

You walked inside the room and sat down on the bed next to your husband, moving your fingers through his hair. He looked up at you, his face neutral. You leaned down and tried to kiss him, only for him to put his hand up.

“Uh-uh!”

You furrowed your brows, “Tony, what’s wrong?”

“I’m… I’m married…” He slurred.

“What…? Tony, you’re married to me.”

He shook his head, “No’m not. ‘M married to a young, sexy lady with (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes.”

You closed your eyes and snorted, trying to hold back your laughter. Tony pouted.

“What’re you laughin’ at?”

You reached into your purse and pulled out your phone, finding a picture of you and Tony on your wedding day. You handed him the phone.

“She look somethin’ like that?”

Tony nodded, “She looks exactly like that.”

“Forty years ago.”

Tony’s eyes went wide, “I was asleep for forty years?!”

You giggled on the inside. You were going to hell for this, but you didn’t care.

“Yes, Tony.” You said seriously. “You were in an accident. We were on a mission, and Loki hit you with something and you fell into a sleep and you finally started showing signs of waking up.”

“W… What’d I miss?!”

“Clint and Natasha were killed on a mission fifteen years ago. Bruce went into hiding five years after.”

“What about Thor?”

“He went to Asgard and hasn’t returned after thirty years.”

“C… Cap?”

You were surprised at how amazing and convincing your poker face was.

“He married your wife and had two kids with her.”

Tony sat up, “He married my wife?!”

You nodded and held up your left hand, “Yes, Tony. Steve and I got married. We didn’t think you’d ever wake up again.”

Tony blinked and sat up, looking at you, “(Name)? You married Steve?”

You nodded, “I needed love. Steve was there for me.”

He looked down sadly, making your heart break. Was this how Tony would be if you really did marry Steve?

“But why?”

“You were asleep. None of us thought you’d ever wake up.”

“Why didn’t you bury me?”

“We didn’t want to accept it. We kept hope for years.”

Tony nodded and suddenly the door opened, revealing your children and Steve. Tony looked up and glared at Steve, grabbing his cane and tossing it at him. Steve expertly dodged it and you nearly fell out on the floor laughing.

“Tony, what the hell was that for?” Steve asked, retrieving the man’s cane.

Peter and Roxanne moved out of the way, sharing a look of confusion and amusement. They watched as their father glared at their uncle.

“That was for marrying my wife!”

Steve’s brows furrowed, “What? Tony, I didn’t marry (Name). I have a wife named Maria, remember? Our son’s name is Landen?”

Tony narrowed his eyes, “What about Clint and Nat?”

“Clint is married to a woman named Emma, and Natasha and Bruce got married twenty-five years ago.”

“Bucky?”

“Married to Liz longer than you and (Name) have been married. Tony, what the hell brought this on?”

Peter and Roxanne carefully walked to their father, sitting on either side of him.

“Dad,” Peter started.

“Are you senile?” Roxanne finished.

You stopped laughing long enough to answer that inquiry.

“No. Not yet anyway.”

Tony looked at you, “You little bitch!”

You continued your laughter and Tony pouted, looking at Steve.

“She told me I was asleep for forty years, and that you married and had two kids with her!”

Steve snorted, while your children looked at you scandalized.

“Mom! Why would you do that to Daddy?” Roxanne screamed, hugging her father.

“It was just too easy.” You said, wiping a tear from your eye. “Just too fucking easy.”

xXx

Tony sighed as he relaxed on the couch. You sat down with him, setting his cane to the side and resting your head on his shoulder. You’d just come home after two days of being in the hospital, Peter’s wife having given birth to your first grandchild.

“My how the time has flown…” You said softly.

Tony could only nod in agreement, “Seems like only yesterday that was us at the hospital, with you giving birth to Peter. And now he’s just had his first child…”

“And Roxanne just got engaged last week…”

Tony nodded and sighed, closing his eyes. “When did we get old?”

“I have no idea…”

“Well, at least I grew old with you.”

You chuckled and kissed your husband, “Please. I’m the reason you stayed alive long enough to get old.”