When I Was Your Man | Tony Stark x Reader |

Tony tossed and turned in the bed, hating the feel of it. It was the same bed, but it didn't feel right. It felt… Strange. Foreign. Bigger.

Emptier.

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now.

He groaned and threw the blanket off of his body and went down to the lab. No point of being in that damn bed if he couldn't sleep.

He wiped his tired eyes and settled at one of the many computers, waking it up and going to Pandora Internet Radio for music. And, as his luck had it, there was a commercial as soon as he turned on the damn thing.

He sighed and went to his bench to pull up the work he'd saved about an hour and a half ago. And just as he stretched out his arms and let out a yawn, he heard the song that began to play.

Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same.

It hurt him.

"Turn it off. Black Sabbath, now." Tony demanded of his AI.

Jarvis complied and Tony ran his hands through his dark hair. He moved to the bar and immediately put some ice into a tumbler, following it up with whiskey. He downed a healthy amount of it before pouring some more and settling at his workbench.

He huffed out a breath of air before looking at the time. Half past two in the morning. One year ago, that wasn't a problem for him to be in there working.

However, it was a problem for someone else.

He should've known. He was smart; he'd been labeled as a genius for a reason. How could he be so incredibly stupid at the same time? That was a question he'd never have answered.

He lingered in his thoughts for a few moments, taking a sip of his whiskey every now and then before suddenly slamming his hand down on the table.

"Open the most recent photo album, exclude any pictures without her."

Jarvis did as commanded, though he knew it wouldn't be good for Tony to look at those memories. He'd been in this fit of depression and sleepless nights for a long time now.

He pushed through each day, his Tony Stark bravado getting faker and faker with every passing moment. He was normally a man with passion and a lust for success, but ever since she left, he'd been reduced to nothing but a hollow man walking.

He was just as empty as that bed upstairs.

Tony flipped through the photos slowly, only stopping to refill his drink and eventually just bring the entire bottle to his spot at the workbench.

Tony Stark never cried. He was too good for tears, and tears never got anything done. He preferred to just will them away and suppress them for as long as he lived.

Tonight, however, was an exception.

He was silent as the salty tears traveled down his handsome face. He gently gnawed his lower lip as he looked at each picture, his heartstrings being tugged and yanked at like his heart was nothing more than a toy that a bratty two-year-old desired.

He wiped his eyes and sat his elbows on the work table, hiding his face in his hands as he continued sobbing. His alcohol was long forgotten as he let out the tears that'd been craving freedom ever since that day she left.

He wondered what took her so long, though.

She'd stuck around forever, suffering from his neglect, and for what reason?

She loved him. She wanted him. She needed him. And now?

Now she was gone, and with another man.

A better man.

A good man.

One that completely and wholly deserved her and everything she brought to the table, because he sure as hell didn't.

"Everything I've ever been given… Every fucking person that's worth a damn to me… I always fuck it up!" He shouted, kicking at a nearby stool.

Of course, as Avengers, they shared the same friends. Tony didn't often find himself suiting up anymore, but when he was needed, he was always the first person there. She avoided him, not because she wanted to, but because the awkward tension was never a good thing, especially when whatever threat that threatened to tear apart the team emerged.

When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down.
'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name.

But his eyes never left her. Not even after they saved the day and she turned her head to give Steve Rogers one of the biggest fucking kisses she could.

Once upon a time, those were his kisses.

Tony's heart was already torn beyond repair when she left, but seeing her, hearing her name, and being in the same universe with her so close and yet so far away simply destroyed the bits and pieces that remained.

It all just sounds like oooooh…

Tony reached for his drink and downed the rest of the glass before throwing the damn thing at the wall and saying fuck all before drinking straight from the bottle.

He set it down with a gasp, trying to catch his breath before going and moving to the couch, leaning into it and looking up at the ceiling of the lab.

"Jarvis…"

"Sir?"

"I wouldn't happen to have any paper in here, would I?"

"Ms. Potts restocked your paper before leaving for her honeymoon."

"Same spot?"

"Yes."

"DUM-E! Paper, pen, me, now."

He watched as the bot did as told, though he somehow repressed the urge to groan and roll off the couch once the bot knocked over his cup full of pencils, pen, scissors and the like.

He pet his first robot once he delivered the desired utensils before telling him to go join his "brothers" in sleep. He took another swig of his drink before setting everything on the glass coffee table and sitting down on the floor.

He pulled the table closer to him and stretched out his legs, taking another sip of alcohol before picking up the pen and looking at the paper.

Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize…

"Do you ever look up at the ceiling and wonder if it'll just crash down on you? I do. It did. One minute I'm appreciating my glamorous ceiling, thankful that it provides me protection and then the next thing I know, it caves in and falls on me, leaving me severely crippled and worthless." He muttered under his breath and his pen scraped the paper in his chicken scratch handwriting.

…That I should've bought you flowers and held your hand.

"Do you appreciate the metaphor? You were my ceiling. I felt safe, and comfortable, and now it's gone so I'm even more of a fuckin' mess than I was before. Just wish it wasn't my fault. Too bad that's never been the case before. It's always my fault. I've only ever tried to do something worthwhile, but then I fuck up and whoops next thing you know a god damn robot is trying to take over the world. Shit."

Should've gave you all my hours when I had the chance.

"Good on you for leaving me. Dunno if it was easy, but I like to sit here and think it was. But then I realize that you'd sat up in that damn bed by yourself for a god damn eternity it seems and realize it wasn't since you stuck around for so long. There goes Tony fucking up again."

Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance.

"Is it too late to say I'm sorry? It's too late to say I'm sorry. But I'm still sorry. I did you wrong for a long time and didn't think there was anything wrong. I've always been selfish and and I've never felt bad about it. Until now, anyway. Damn you."

Now my baby's dancing.
But she's dancing with another man.

Tony looked up at the ceiling, trying to push back the fresh batch of tears. And once he realized that was fruitless, he just drank some more whiskey and went back to writing.

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life.

"You left me, just like you should have. Probably should've left me way before you did. I didn't care for you. I care about you, but I didn't take care of you. I wasn't there for you. I ignored you for work and my own shit, never once thinking about you and your feelings. Fuck, I'm a dumb guy."

Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes.

"There's no reconciliation with this, right? There's no happy movie ending where I tell you all this emotional bullshit that's only coming out because I'm drunk, and you decide that's enough to come back and see if I can make it right and do better. No, that's not real life. That's not my life, anyway."

It all just sounds like oooooh…

"I'd do better. I'd come to bed, take you out, go to parties so you could dance. Man, you love to dance. I'd buy you a dance club. Fuck, I'd buy you twenty. But that's not enough. A relationship requires a lot more than money can buy. Pepper told me that when she dumped me all those years ago. Guess it's true."

Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize that I should've bought you flowers and held your hand.
Should've gave you all my hours when I had the chance.
Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance.
Now my baby's dancing.
But she's dancing with another man.

"Although it hurts, I'll be the first to say that I was wrong. Oh, I know I'm probably much too late to try and apologize for my mistakes. But I just want you to know…"

Tony set down his pen. He looked up at the picture of you he kept on the shelf. He remembered every detail, every little mark on your body. He loved you, but it was his own fault that you didn't really know and believe it. It was his fault.

And that's why he didn't deserve you.

He picked up his pen once more, and scribbled down the last of his letter.

"I hope he buys you flowers. I hope he holds your hand. Give you all his hours when he has the chance. Take you to every party 'cause I remember how much you loved to dance. Do all the things I should have done when I was your man."

He signed his sharp signature and clicked the end of the pen, looking down at the paper as he drank more whiskey. He popped off of the bottle and set it down next to him, grabbing the paper and walking off.

He pulled open a drawer and picked up a lighter, all the while looking at his letter, reading it over and shaking his head as he did.

He lit the bottom left corner of it on fire and set it down on the steel lab table. His crystal clear tears slid down his face as he watched the letter, and his feelings, slowly burn away into nothing.

He wiped his fresh tears with the back of his hand and walked to his whiskey, picking it up and taking a deep swig of it before exiting the lab and leaving the ashes of not only his letter, but his heart, behind.

Do all the things I should have done when I was your man.